Narrative of Talk given 22nd November 2019 at 12:00
By Nigel Miller
Intro
How do you sum up in a few minutes, a man you have known your whole life and was such a big character to so many of us?
It is not easy to paint these attributes for those who maybe didn’t know him so well, or knew him later in his life, however I will give it my best shot and hopefully paint an accurate picture.
To do this I have decided to focus on four main Characters of Wal, I am sure you will recognise at least one of these. Let’s start with:
Wal the Wall (The Strong Man)
Wal was strong both in mind and also physically, and I think this combination, built from a tough childhood and then his time in that Navy, meant he would use his mental ‘persuasion’ first, and rarely had to resort to his legendary physical strength.
Throughout my life I have only ever known Wal to be tough but fair, he was humble but wouldn’t take “any old nonsense” and would hold his ground.
As kids, that gave us a clear framework to operate within – be in at 6pm meant that, not ten past; you didn’t cross the line! He meant what he said, forget negotiation once a rule was set!
Physically strong - weight lifting and exercise routines were regular - he did jogging, push-ups and other exercises and involved many of us over the years in his weekly weight training sessions, something to cripple the uninitiated!
My friends still talk of him doing maximum weight bench press then asking two of us to sit one each end, and bench pressing us up with a body on each end!
At some point in the late 70’s arm wrestling became a thing and myself and mates were all pretty good at it, but one of my mates, who worked loading lorries all day and was build like a tank, would put any of us down in a blink!
The day came when a group of mates were at my house when Wal walked in and Tuffy challenged him to an arm wrestle. Now I must admit to being a little dubious here, nobody ever beat Tuffy, and so the wrestle commenced. Wal held him for a while giving him his trademark ‘knowing’ half smile, then feigned weakness, and then came back on full power, putting Tuffy down easily and for the first time ever! He did it multiple times before Tuffy would accept defeat.
Despite his strength, I do remember as a somewhat cocky 16 year old squaring up to Wal having given him some lip for something. He said “Go on then”, and I did, and before I knew it I was above his head and being thrust into the ceiling. He didn’t hurt me, but it was a bit hard to breath with the ceiling rose sticking into my face and being crushed into the ceiling! The sheer power told me enough to back down – forever!
That mental and physical power gave us all a sense of security in any situation, you knew he had your back! But although he had immense strength, he rarely used it in battle; like a powerful car he would cruise, but he had the confidence of knowing what was under the bonnet! That meant his negotiations in a heated situation were always “Now be sensible”, then “Don’t be silly”, few took it any further than that, woe betide those that did! (or is that Wal betide?)
That confidence followed through into Wal’s working life too with many stories that came home!
Wal the Worker (The Breadwinner)
My early memories are of a hard working man, usually home at 6pm from ‘London’ to our flat in Battersea and also doing other work ‘out of hours’, both ‘event’ bar work and also painting and decorating to earn “a bit of extra cash” for us, ultimately to have a better life.
In the late 60’s my folks had saved enough to buy their way out of rented accommodation and onto the property ladder in the suburbs, which felt like the countryside to us, moving to Carshalton Beeches in Surrey. (I was a little disappoint to discover that this was not a seaside resort).
For a big chunk of time Wal worked his way up the ladder as a legal exec and then ultimately became the head of Legal for one of those companies that everyone seemed to use – TV Rentals. His department chased down people who had “dun a runner” with their (in today’s money) £3,000 telly, taking them to court to get the TV and unpaid rental recovered.
But for some reason, despite having people to do the heavy lifting – that is collecting the set, Wal would sometimes do it himself, to save time and expense for the company. On just one of many occasions I remember going to get some fish n chips with Wal one Saturday eve and him saying “I’ve just got a little job to do first”.
Leaving me in the car he walked into a house with 4 guys watching the football, said “Sorry guys, this doesn’t belong to you”, unplugged the very heavy colour tube TV and walked out with it.
It was that confidence and attitude that made them and others think twice about challenging him. He plonked the telly in the back of our estate car, said “sorry guys” to those hanging around the front door, jumped in the car and said “right then, fish n chips”, and off we went!
Some years later, after that company was sold, he stepped down a rung to a job he loved as a Warrant Officer” for the Electricity Board (SeeBoard). That meant he was the guy that ended up on your doorstep along with an engineer and a carpenter (to put the door back on if necessary), if you had repeatedly promised and failed to pay your electricity bill.
He was always sympathetic to those in true hardship but could sniff out a chancer or a cheat – those with plenty of money and no intention of spending it on electricity!
When he called, people were sometimes out, sometimes hiding, and sometimes aggressive. On one occasion Wal was greeted with the door opening and an agitated fellow standing in front of him with a double barrelled shotgun! The carpenter and electrician exit stage left at this point, but Wal says “Don’t be silly, you’ll only make it worse for yourself” and gently puts two fingers in the end of the gun barrels! The guy was so shocked he handed over the gun!
There were constant stories every week of guard dogs (some that let you in but not out), people under the stairs hiding in the cupboard – where the meter was, with no clothes on, so many funny stories, I can share some others at the bar later.
Wal’s other work passion was his Painting and Decorating business. Often he would come home from a day at court or the office in full suit, quickly change into overalls, go off to a job for 2-3 hours, before coming home and doing some gardening! It was like having two families…in job form.
His mainly elderly customers always fully trusted him and he never advertised his work – purely word of mouth, because whilst painting the lounge, he would also fix the doorbell and get the clock working. Always going the extra mile. And later in life when he officially retired, he spent another 10 years very successfully Painting and Decorating – he’d never been so busy!
Wal the Warm (Man) – Family Man Traditions!
Transport became a big thing for our family initially travelling with motorbike and side car. At about 6 years old I remember trips out, the weather changing and looking out of the sidecar window at dad, head down, battling us through a force 8 gale, soaked and cold whilst we were cosy in our little bubble sidecar.
Some of those early extra earnings went on upgrading us from a motorbike and sidecar to our first ‘car’ – if you can call it that, the famous 3 wheeled Reliant Regal. At last dad could travel inside with us on those arduous journeys across London to visit mum’s parents in Islington or one of many sisters in North London or Essex, or down the M4 to Slough to visit his sister Helen and family.
Some of you may remember that the Reliant’s one big advantage was that it could be legally driven by those holding a Motorbike license as in the case with Wal. The big difference was a steering wheel and foot pedals including a clutch – something that took dad quite a while to get used to!
I took that first journey with dad to collect the new Reliant car from the showroom, and clearly remember our first kangarooing drive from the forecourt and all the way home, the first of many kangarooing journeys! We became well known locally for our family in our little blue car kangarooing past friends and neighbours, waving cheerily; it must have been a very funny sight.
At home, a well known Wal tradition and something we as a family were used to, was his post dinner ‘blow through’! This was designed to remove the cooking and food smells from our house in Carshalton in one simple action. No matter the time of year, front door and porch were wedged wide open together with the back door directly at the opposite end of the house.
The ensuing gale force blast through the house, often in the middle of winter was just something we had to endure. Mats would move, cats would scarper, mum would have her coat and hat on, hair would be knotted, eyes would water. After a 5 minute blast the house would be declared ‘fresh’ and normality restored!
As Lin and I grew up and got our own houses, Wal also became known as the Decorating Fairy. We would hire him officially (at family rates!) to do various jobs on our respective houses, but then, especially in the early years of house ownership, he had a habit of popping in when we were at work and ‘doing a job’ – decorating a room, re-landscaping the garden, fixing the leaking porch! Always on hand was Wal the Decorating Fairy to fix stuff!
For those of you that know me, you will know I am a keen guitarist and musician, and although Wal considered he didn’t have a musical bone in his body, he did enjoy music of all sorts and certainly loved a live gig – especially if I was playing.
My rock band Watershed were used to my folks attending our various gigs and Wal had his special place. The Navy guns had made him hard of hearing in his right ear, so he would stand directly next to the right hand PA speaker with his right ear literally alongside the speaker cone. He said it balanced out the sound nicely and he always got a good view. He also acted as our unofficial “keeping an eye on things” security man, especially when the band went to the bar…quite a lot of the time. The rock heads (Sheddie fans), thought he was pretty cool taking so much volume!
After Wal fully retired he loved spending time with our own kids and giving us advice on “setting limits”, being “firm but fair” and making observations as Grandparents can do – “She’s an eat on the hoofer!” or sneaking them chocolates or other goodies!
Wal’s Christmas Champagne Cocktails were a tradition and a secret! The recipe in his head, the box of special ingredients and quantities closely guarded. Some of you would have experienced these aperitif’s designed to give you a ‘little lift’ before Christmas lunch and you have hopefully regained your power of speech.
One year I remember a number of my neighbours coming to my house and Wal as ever handing out the champagne cocktails amid comments of “hmm, this is very nice, tasty”. I tried to warn them but they didn’t listen. My somewhat shy and proper neighbours from 3 nearby households left our house doing the conga, onto our forecourt and off down the drive! They never really got over it!
Wal the Warrior (the Competitor)
Finally, we have Wal the competitor. A more competitive spirit you could never meet. In early life it was football, cricket, water-polo, speed swimming. Having kids didn’t change anything, If we went swimming, with ‘Wally the Whale’, we had to race, and he always won, even if he only used one arm!
Finally beating him (after years of practice for me), only resulted in a switch to a new, often more difficult task. Distance – swimming out to sea to circle a distant island, underwater – who can do 2 lengths?! High Diving! I honestly thought blue lips were normal after a Saturday morning swimming session!
I am sure those of you from the bowls club are equally familiar with Wal’s competitive spirit, he enjoyed competitive bowls for many years, initially in Wallington before moving and joining the club down here in Worthing.
In later years maybe the more punishing physical competitive sports dropped a little, but the board games didn’t! Wally seldom lost.
Lots of you in the room will also have experienced board games like ‘Flutter’ or chess, or “a quick game of boggle” (did I hear a shudder?) – on the face of it a simple word game. In reality, dangerous territory.
Some 30 years ago my then new girlfriend, now wife Karen, enthusiastically stepped into one of these games on her first Christmas at my parents house. I tried to warn her, but she is also very competitive and keen to ‘give it a go’. Mum and I made ourselves busy and an hour or so later my inconsolable, boo-hooing girlfriend joined us having been well and truly thrashed…multiple times, Wal followed, somewhat bemused and a little sorry for upsetting her.
Many a card game would end up with mum, in the frustration of being traded another duff card or hand, showering her cards at his face, many sticking behind his glasses much to the amusement of family and friends! Wal very rarely lost at any board or card game – many here will bear witness to that! He was both skilled and lucky…and I never saw him cheat!
Wal the Whole – The Man
And so I conclude to come back to ‘Wal the Man’. Hopefully my little dip into Wal’s many facets and talents will have given you some further insight into the man. From my perspective:
Humble, Healthy, Strong, Principled, Fair
Hard working and dedicated
Fun and very Competitive, and a killer board gamer!
Dad, you’ll be missed, but always with us!